Have you ever received a blessing that was completely undeserved? Did you ever treat someone so foully, and they turned around and blessed you in return? Did you ever do wrong, and in turn benefitted from your evil and received no obvious consequence?
It happens all the time, but how often does it go unnoticed? We are so quick to point out in the injustice in our lives, but are we ever humbled by the unmerited grace that the Lord seems to pour out on our lives? More mysteriously but truer to its nature, this grace is not just reserved for the followers of Christ. Amazingly, God's grace is for everyone, and if you look closely, you can see it every day.
It seems that lately God's work in my life is very apparent. I know where I am is far from where I'd ideally love to be (oh I'd love to be so spiritually mature, never falling, always good and giving every aspect of my life to others and God's Kingdom) but I am still so inexplicably grateful in how God's hand is currently manifesting my life.
Though God has been with me every moment of my life, from the day I chose to accept Him into my life at age 16, He has never slowed down in His outpouring of blessings. I've done a lot of wrong, and I've struggled a lot, but that has never changed His plan and His dedication to have it come to my fruition my life. No matter where I was in my walk - sinning and rejecting Him, or pursuing and loving Him - He's always treated me not based on what I've done or even my current heart condition, but on my identity in Him.
Though a piece of my heart still stays in the US, God has obviously brought me to Pickering for a reason. Though I still hope that somehow I will be brought back, I cannot be so quick to let my eyes wander, and miss the incredible blessings before me.
As of yet, I've never been unemployed against my will. In fact, last December, though I was too busy looking for God's plan to show up according to my wants, the Lord still brought a job offer to me. He knew I was to stay in Pickering, and provided the way for me. Though I was tempted to dismiss it since my eyes were set on a different plan, I accepted out of obedience.
When I originally accepted the position at Mark's Work Wearhouse, I knew it was not what I desired for a career. For what it was, it was a great blessing and perfect for the season of my life. But after several months, I was growing tired of where I was at.
I had been promoted at Mark's, and it was going well. In fact, the future was promising for more promotions to come, but in reality it still was not what I wanted nor what I felt God wanted for the long haul. It was so tempting to take a current promise for security than take a leap of faith for something better.
Btu finally in September of last year, I realized I needed to "prepare for rain" as Matt says in Facing the Giants. I wanted to start sowing so that I would reap a harvest. I was tired of feeling like a defunct Christian. I wanted to get out, off my butt, and start making a difference and growing - in whichever way that looked like.
So in November, I got my resume & cover letters ready, and I started to apply for some graphic design jobs I had seen advertised on kijiji.ca and other online sources. To be honest, most of the ones I could apply for were not that attractive. And many of the ones that seemed better were located far in Mississauga or farther. Worse, I heard the success rate of actually getting one of these jobs was slim.
Regardless, I was praying a lot for God's will and for His desires to become mine. One night in our talk, though, I decided to share what I thought could really work. Granted, He's got the whole world in His hands and knows exactly what's right for me...but I found comfort knowing the God of All was listening to the small, naive desires of my heart.
I told Him from my perspective I thought I'd like a full-time graphic design position with a printer (since I have no experience in that field) somewhere in Markham. Any further wouldn't be a fun commute, and there didn't seem to be any jobs in the east. But I told Him I'd be happy with whatever He got me.
A couple weeks into the pursuit, I didn't hear anything from anyone, but I was dedicated to keep trying. My mom was actually a great help in the process. Anyone and everyone she could talk to about a position, she would. And one day, my mom unknowingly hit a goldmine.
My mom was talking to my neighbour about my job seeking and found out that the lady worked at Transcontinental. My neighbour suggested I send them an e-mail, though she doubted the company would have any such position available since they only do the printing for clients. And so, I sent in my resume to HR, and I got a response back saying my work and resume looked good so they forwarded it off to another department in the company's.
Exactly one week after sending in my resume, I got a call from the head of marketing requesting an interview. Another week later, I had my interview and it went exceptionally well. They said lately they've really needed someone with a design passion and skill to carry the work load. They didn't need someone with a ton of experience, but had the desire and capabilities. I fit the bill perfectly, and my resume came across their hands at the exact right time. (Isn't God's timing truly perfect?)
A couple days later, they gave me a great job offer and I accepted. Two weeks later on December 6th, I started work as a graphic designer on the marketing team...for a printing company...in Markham. God is just too good.
In fact lately, I have been wondering if He is too good to me. I confess that there have been seasons where I've whined to God about the unfair trials and struggles in my life. But at the other end of the spectrum, I now find myself questioning the seemingly arbitrary blessings he continues to pour out on to my life. It just doesn't seem fair, does it? There is sickness and diseases, lost loved ones, wars & famine around the world, and yet here I am being blessed materially and in my career. How could the God of justice allow this in my life?
When I pose such a question, I hear an echo of Jesus' words in my head: 'To whom much is given/entrusted, much is expected'. So I intend to live up to that great responsibility...
In spite of that, my tit-for-tat upbringing still tempts me to see my circumstances as deserved or undeserved—fair or unjust—and I often make the same judgements on other people's lives. My fleshly battle is the battle for equality - something that is neither natural or Biblical.
In these moments, I try to find solace in Ecclesiastes 3: there is a time for everything. Solomon struggled with the futility and unpredictable nature of life. Life is not a formula, so why do we ever expect it to be? In fact, Solomon spends much of the book pointing out the futility of everything under the sun, but sums it up by concluding we should therefore put all one's efforts towards that which is above the sun: "The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God, and keep His commandments; for that is the whole duty of everyone" (12:13)
Instead of seeing it as a difficult truth, I should embrace the reality that God's grace is not fair. Think of all the parables Jesus speaks of when he speaks about the Kingdom of Heaven - the prodigal son, the workers of the vineyard. In the end, the landowner in Matthew 20 says: "Don't I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?' ...."So the last will be first, and the first will be last."
But whether I deem it fair or not, just or unjust, that really is irrelevant. The Bible is clear: God is sovereign, and He is good, and He alone is the Righteous Judge. God has a perfect plan for each and every one of us and this gift is that it's free.
Looking at Jesus' time on earth, he always gave of himself so extravagantly and without reservation that from our human perspective, it's offensive, and wasteful! His exorbitant love challenges our morals, and slaps our convictions in the face! How can we truly question the "fairness" and equality of this life when Jesus's own life is an example of exorbitant grace? The gift of salvation, and life, and restoration costs us so little because it cost Him so much!
And so whenever I catch myself thinking "It's just not fair!" I find myself humming Relient K's lyrics in which they poignantly put it: "And the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair."
